A meddling mother-in-law is the brunt of many jokes, the focus of much gossip, and even the antagonist on the movie screen. During conversations of money, raising children, and dealing with lifes issues, theres bound to be disagreements between family members. For some unknown reason, some in-laws feel their opinion is just as important as your spouses when it shouldnt be. Clearly they care for the wellbeing of their child and grandchildren, but they dont always know whats best for you and your family.
Most of the time these bad situations can be shrugged off " but there are those bad times when they simply overstep the mark. When these occasions arise, how do we stay calm, and still get our point across?
If you have analyzed the situation, and have a valid argument (not just hitting back because you were insulted), you should stand your ground. List your reasoning in a calm and diplomatic way. Coming out and saying what needs to be said will show others how you feel towards the subject. Remember though, it isn't likely to change their opinions, simply because they have been opposed. The end goal should be mutual understanding about each persons feelings.
Keeping your opinions to yourself may be polite, but it also shows that mother in law say what she pleases, right or wrong, and will be unchallenged. Even if you're keeping quiet because you're currently undecided on the issue, you should still speak up, at least to let them know that you appreciate their opinion, but are still doing some thinking on the issue.
Comments coming from a meddling in-law may have double-meaning (sounds constructive on the surface but can appear to be full of rude criticism underneath - think Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond). These situations can turn into heated arguments if youre not careful.
Use diplomacy at all times. Be the better person, and refuse to sink to the levels of reciprocal insulting (remember, the comment may not have been intended to insult in the first place). If you know for sure that the remark was definitely intended to hurt you, there are two choices you can follow: first, don't allow the offender to take any satisfaction from what they said. Do this by trying your hardest not to react at all. Second, just tell them that you didn't appreciate the way they put it, and hope they weren't trying to undermine you. Never get angry.
Dont be afraid to let others know that although a suggestion of money management or child rearing may have worked for them, youre quite certain you are doing the best you can with your family and circumstances. Just because it worked for one person does not guarantee it will work with another person.
Whichever method you choose, just remember it is far better to tackle the problem head-on (with diplomacy) than it is to have an all out yelling match.
Most of the time these bad situations can be shrugged off " but there are those bad times when they simply overstep the mark. When these occasions arise, how do we stay calm, and still get our point across?
If you have analyzed the situation, and have a valid argument (not just hitting back because you were insulted), you should stand your ground. List your reasoning in a calm and diplomatic way. Coming out and saying what needs to be said will show others how you feel towards the subject. Remember though, it isn't likely to change their opinions, simply because they have been opposed. The end goal should be mutual understanding about each persons feelings.
Keeping your opinions to yourself may be polite, but it also shows that mother in law say what she pleases, right or wrong, and will be unchallenged. Even if you're keeping quiet because you're currently undecided on the issue, you should still speak up, at least to let them know that you appreciate their opinion, but are still doing some thinking on the issue.
Comments coming from a meddling in-law may have double-meaning (sounds constructive on the surface but can appear to be full of rude criticism underneath - think Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond). These situations can turn into heated arguments if youre not careful.
Use diplomacy at all times. Be the better person, and refuse to sink to the levels of reciprocal insulting (remember, the comment may not have been intended to insult in the first place). If you know for sure that the remark was definitely intended to hurt you, there are two choices you can follow: first, don't allow the offender to take any satisfaction from what they said. Do this by trying your hardest not to react at all. Second, just tell them that you didn't appreciate the way they put it, and hope they weren't trying to undermine you. Never get angry.
Dont be afraid to let others know that although a suggestion of money management or child rearing may have worked for them, youre quite certain you are doing the best you can with your family and circumstances. Just because it worked for one person does not guarantee it will work with another person.
Whichever method you choose, just remember it is far better to tackle the problem head-on (with diplomacy) than it is to have an all out yelling match.
About the Author:
Tina Love is the resident editor of the relationship section at Schmoozins - an online magazine for women that gives all women a voice. Join us as a contributor, schmoozer or just hang out a while.
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