Infidelity - one partner cheating on the other, is one of the biggest causes of relationship breakups. Because when someone is unfaithful, the other person almost always feel like I can never trust him/her again.
This is a normal feeling after cheating occurs. That's because trust is such an essential part of a close, true love. When it gets broken, we usually feel very strongly that there is no way to get it back. Even if there are a lot of things we do/did like about our mate, after cheating occurs we don't feel how we could ever be happy with them after a betrayal like that.
So TRUST is one of the biggest issues in break ups. Before your mate will take you back, one of the questions in their mind is can they trust you not to repeat the same behaviors that caused the fighting and the split. I mean, why take you back if they feel like its just going to be more of the same? When relationships break up due to infidelity, one of the main issues on your ex lovers mind is
Can I ever really trust you again?
I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.
But the emotion, or feeling of broken trust is one of the most difficult for exs to get over. I mean, most of us feel like trust gets built up over a long period of time. And most of us feel, emotionally, when trust is broken, that our relationship is unfixable, right?
Broken trust is a betrayal of some sort. Broken trust feels immediately like emotional distance, it is the opposite of closeness. So until or unless you deal with the feeling of broken trust, you have almost NO CHANCE of getting back together.
It is vital for you to see this to understand how you might possible get back with your ex. You will not be capable of getting back together unless you can work through their feelings of lack of trust and betrayal and the distance this creates in their hearts. Even if they give you another chance, without trust it won't likely last, because without trust there isn't the feeling of closeness that we all really need.
How might you deal with your ex's lack of trust? It's a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame. We try to say it wasn't our fault. We say "I drank too much," or "You were mean to me!" When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame.
Give those excuses to your ex and shell think youre a weak idiot. She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses dont allow her to trust you. What if you get drunk again? What if she is cold to you a month from now? What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when youre walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame. Take full responsibility. Dont offer weak or lame excuses.
Say something like I cheated on you and broke the trust in our relationship. Im very sorry and I know I hurt you and made you feel like you cant trust me
It is much like when you catch your kids doing something wrong and they try to blame a sibling, it just makes you more mad. But if the child can own up to it and apologize, it is much easier to forgive them. It works the same way with rebuilding trust. Hearing something like the above allows the wronged party to begin to be able to forgive.
There are many other steps that need to be followed before you can truly begin to repair the trust, but this is a very big initial step!
This is a normal feeling after cheating occurs. That's because trust is such an essential part of a close, true love. When it gets broken, we usually feel very strongly that there is no way to get it back. Even if there are a lot of things we do/did like about our mate, after cheating occurs we don't feel how we could ever be happy with them after a betrayal like that.
So TRUST is one of the biggest issues in break ups. Before your mate will take you back, one of the questions in their mind is can they trust you not to repeat the same behaviors that caused the fighting and the split. I mean, why take you back if they feel like its just going to be more of the same? When relationships break up due to infidelity, one of the main issues on your ex lovers mind is
Can I ever really trust you again?
I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.
But the emotion, or feeling of broken trust is one of the most difficult for exs to get over. I mean, most of us feel like trust gets built up over a long period of time. And most of us feel, emotionally, when trust is broken, that our relationship is unfixable, right?
Broken trust is a betrayal of some sort. Broken trust feels immediately like emotional distance, it is the opposite of closeness. So until or unless you deal with the feeling of broken trust, you have almost NO CHANCE of getting back together.
It is vital for you to see this to understand how you might possible get back with your ex. You will not be capable of getting back together unless you can work through their feelings of lack of trust and betrayal and the distance this creates in their hearts. Even if they give you another chance, without trust it won't likely last, because without trust there isn't the feeling of closeness that we all really need.
How might you deal with your ex's lack of trust? It's a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame. We try to say it wasn't our fault. We say "I drank too much," or "You were mean to me!" When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame.
Give those excuses to your ex and shell think youre a weak idiot. She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses dont allow her to trust you. What if you get drunk again? What if she is cold to you a month from now? What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when youre walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame. Take full responsibility. Dont offer weak or lame excuses.
Say something like I cheated on you and broke the trust in our relationship. Im very sorry and I know I hurt you and made you feel like you cant trust me
It is much like when you catch your kids doing something wrong and they try to blame a sibling, it just makes you more mad. But if the child can own up to it and apologize, it is much easier to forgive them. It works the same way with rebuilding trust. Hearing something like the above allows the wronged party to begin to be able to forgive.
There are many other steps that need to be followed before you can truly begin to repair the trust, but this is a very big initial step!
About the Author:
For an entire step by step plan to getting your ex back within hours, you can read a book about How To Get Over Infidelity. John Laney teaches about relationship skillsand you can get a free report about Love and Relationship Insights You Need Now here.
No comments:
Post a Comment