I could be wrong, but I'm guessing the majority of us have horror stories from childhood. I doubt that any of us escaped childhood without scars from some sort of dysfunction. I'll won't go into details, just say that I endured abuse.
My father has always been an alcoholic. Rather than being angry with him, I felt a bit sorry for him. He is a good father to the extent that he can be. He taught us some good values. But, his addiction and relative lack of social skills led him to be distant, unreliable and angry. My mother was perpetually depressed about the whole family situation, and was therefore not very emotionally present herself. As the oldest of 6 children, I felt responsible for everyone's happiness and well-being. I'm not looking for sympathy. Actually, I am grateful for my trials and the empathy and determination they have given me. I won't deny that my childhood left me with scars, however.
I ruined my first marriage because of my lack of trust and self-love. I had sworn that I would never bring children into this life to endure unhappy parents and divorce, and yet found myself in that very situation. The pain of it almost killed me, but I emerged ready to learn and change.
This changing will be a lifelong process, but I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears (except for what my family members are putting themselves through now). My second marriage is for the most part really good, but only because I can quickly recognize when the demons of my past are acting as opposed to my true self and work through it.
Although I have always recognized my severe insecurities of being less-than or unlovable, I had no idea how to actually change them. I turned to my Christian beliefs first. Trusting in Christ while also being open to new teachings and methodology that aligned with my beliefs offered hope.
I won't go into each of them in detail, as I would have to write a book (maybe I will). I have found yoga, meditation, service to others, extreme exercise (marathons, 100-200 mile bike rides, tri-athlons) a business that helps me personally and financially, and loving 8 children unconditionally to be helpful in my journey of healing. I wish I would have learned long ago what I know now through my business that has taught me a lot about the Law of Attraction. Maybe I wasn't ready to accept these concepts until now. Its funny how life throws things your way when it does.
The bottom-line in actually changing my MIND -that is all of those deeply ingrained inhibiting beliefs was quite simply gratitude and the decision to be happy. Yes, it sounds simple and it is. Why is that so hard for so many to find and grasp then? I think it is just that we think we are going to get something out of being miserable. Like, sympathy or revenge. We don't want to let our abusers off the hook. Well, guess what? WE weren't the ones who put them there, and we cant take them off. They'll have to do that for themselves. And, we think that healing takes so much time and effort. It really just takes a decision.
Yes, we all have something to be grateful for on any given day, and probably any given hour. When you start thinking negatively again, think of the 5 billion people in the world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
Believe me, I am not judging anyone who may be depressed, or has gone through difficult circumstances and is not happy. I have been there. I know that pain, and the work it sometimes takes to get through. I'm just hoping that my experience will help someone get to joy a little faster. It is how life was meant to be lived. "Men are that they might have joy.
My father has always been an alcoholic. Rather than being angry with him, I felt a bit sorry for him. He is a good father to the extent that he can be. He taught us some good values. But, his addiction and relative lack of social skills led him to be distant, unreliable and angry. My mother was perpetually depressed about the whole family situation, and was therefore not very emotionally present herself. As the oldest of 6 children, I felt responsible for everyone's happiness and well-being. I'm not looking for sympathy. Actually, I am grateful for my trials and the empathy and determination they have given me. I won't deny that my childhood left me with scars, however.
I ruined my first marriage because of my lack of trust and self-love. I had sworn that I would never bring children into this life to endure unhappy parents and divorce, and yet found myself in that very situation. The pain of it almost killed me, but I emerged ready to learn and change.
This changing will be a lifelong process, but I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears (except for what my family members are putting themselves through now). My second marriage is for the most part really good, but only because I can quickly recognize when the demons of my past are acting as opposed to my true self and work through it.
Although I have always recognized my severe insecurities of being less-than or unlovable, I had no idea how to actually change them. I turned to my Christian beliefs first. Trusting in Christ while also being open to new teachings and methodology that aligned with my beliefs offered hope.
I won't go into each of them in detail, as I would have to write a book (maybe I will). I have found yoga, meditation, service to others, extreme exercise (marathons, 100-200 mile bike rides, tri-athlons) a business that helps me personally and financially, and loving 8 children unconditionally to be helpful in my journey of healing. I wish I would have learned long ago what I know now through my business that has taught me a lot about the Law of Attraction. Maybe I wasn't ready to accept these concepts until now. Its funny how life throws things your way when it does.
The bottom-line in actually changing my MIND -that is all of those deeply ingrained inhibiting beliefs was quite simply gratitude and the decision to be happy. Yes, it sounds simple and it is. Why is that so hard for so many to find and grasp then? I think it is just that we think we are going to get something out of being miserable. Like, sympathy or revenge. We don't want to let our abusers off the hook. Well, guess what? WE weren't the ones who put them there, and we cant take them off. They'll have to do that for themselves. And, we think that healing takes so much time and effort. It really just takes a decision.
Yes, we all have something to be grateful for on any given day, and probably any given hour. When you start thinking negatively again, think of the 5 billion people in the world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
Believe me, I am not judging anyone who may be depressed, or has gone through difficult circumstances and is not happy. I have been there. I know that pain, and the work it sometimes takes to get through. I'm just hoping that my experience will help someone get to joy a little faster. It is how life was meant to be lived. "Men are that they might have joy.
About the Author:
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